It's all falling apart

Seven months ago I was happy, content, rested. A little worn from running so many marathons in a row, a little concerned with the direction my job was taking, a little worried about my mom. How quickly things change. An inability to run, the attempt to tri a new sport, my mom moving here and my job duties getting vastly more complicated have basically left me a crying hag.

First, my knee gave out. All attempts to ignore the pain failed and so did my 3 month (highly expensive) stint at physical therapy. Diagnosis was a small tear in the meniscus that might just possibly heal itself. Self-diagnosis was deal with it and move on. Run until it hurts too much to run any more, then walk until it hurts too much, then stop. I made it though 2 half marathons that way, limping my way to a finish. But at least I was out there running.

Meanwhile I had to give up my regular Monday and Thursday night runs with Pam. We've been running together for 6 years, week in and week out, through rain and cold and heat and pollution. These runs were therapy sessions for us both. We'd talk about families, friends, life, work, the weather ... all those things that two very different people talk about when spending hours together doing something they love. When we started running I'd slow down for Pam but within a year she had started running faster and faster until she started slowing down for me. Our route got shorter and shorter until we had a standard 3 miler that would sometimes get extended, sometimes get shortened. But we both counted on those runs.

When I stopped running in January I wanted very badly to get back to the Monday and Thursday runs because I knew our time was limited; Pam was actively looking for work on the East Coast. I went into denial and decided she wouldn't get anything until I could return. And even then she wouldn't go too far away.

During my absence Olivia joined Pam for the weekly runs. I was glad they each had someone to run with but that meant I'd have trouble re-joining them. Olivia runs much faster than I do. Well, most people run much faster than I do but some people are able to alter their pace and slow down. Pam, Sandy and Anita are champs at that. Bree basically runs my pace, maybe just a touch faster these days but we can keep up with each other. Mary Ann can run slower only when she really concentrates on slowing down, the same with Olivia. Once they start chatting away (and that's what we do on these runs, we chat away) their pace speeds up, they edge around me, and I'm left trying to catch the rabbit.

I joined Pam and Olivia for a couple of runs when my knee started feeling better but after a mile or so I'd make up some excuse and send them on ahead. It was too hard to try to keep up with them, try to pretend I could go their pace, try to keep them from running up my heels. Easier to have them get at least 100 yards ahead so that the rabbit problem with be gone.

But it doesn't matter anymore since Pam is leaving the beginning of August.

And Mary Ann will leave this week.

And Sandy is leaving within the next month, by the end of July.

I thought I was depressed BEFORE I went to dinner last night. We met to give Mary Ann a fun, happy send off to dental school and got the news from Sandy and Pam.

This totally sucks.